Structure

We started Joaquin in a little preschool. The program is called La Academia. It runs Monday through Friday from 9am- 12pm. I have such mixed feelings about the program. I love that it's bilingual. I am trying to speak Spanish with him but my Spanish is far from as fluid as I would like. I think that one of the biggest gifts I could give Joaquin is to speak Spanish easily and not struggle to master the language like I have for so many years. I like that I give my undivided attention to Cata while he's at school and she is awake. Cata is easier to ignore and when she is a pest she catches my hard edge since Joaquin is my first and demands so much. Joaquin seems to enjoy the activity at the school and does not display separation anxiety when he's there, though after the first week he asks to stay home with me.

Then there's what I do not feel ready for. I do not feel ready to have his days scripted to a schedule. As it is I am taking him four days a week only. It is hard to get him dressed and out of the house. He doesn't want to go because he likes and is happiest when he is living in the present moment. Urging him to hurry up, we will be late causes anxiety and tantrums. I also miss creating the flow of our days and having outings to the library, the park. Not that we still don't stop at the park most days- it's the structure that I resist. Plus I have to drag Cata there and back.

At least I am riding us around on my bicycle. To avoid the car trips and being the shuttleMom that I dread I never become, I have been riding the 1.6 miles each way with Joaquin in his front bikeseat and Cata is in a carseat in a new bike trailer. I feel both like a champion, hard-core athlete and totally over-extended. Cata does not love the carseat and she hates speed bumps. She cries most days for some of the ride. Its a challenge to soothe her with Joaquin seated on the handlebars. At least Im no soccer-mom but I might be insane. My lovely cranky pregnant neighbor said "Can you drive them like everyone else?" from her Prius window on her way to preschool. So I will give it a month and decide whether to continue or not.