Cata, little girl extraordinaire

Catalina deserves to be written about. She is delightful at 17 months. She is very social, fearless, lively and physical. She is full of personality. Right now her favorite things are bicycles (more about that later), trying on other people shoes, Joaquin (whom she calls A-din), bottles of soymilk, babydolls, her bear Osito, picking raspberries from the bush in yard and towel rides. She can ask and she does all of her favorite things many times a day. I think of her as my little shadow because she is with me all the time, at everything I do. Cata is so outgoing. She has a queen's wave that she gives to almost everyone she encounters. She gives hugs at the slightest invitation. She pushes her way into games she wants and grabs at preferred toys from bigger kids. She has so many words, here are just some I can remember. Her first words were balloon, bubble, aqua and mama. Now she says please, baby, shoes, tines for calcetines, nightnight, bottle, brush, aqua, eat, sit, Joaquin, mama, papa, bicycle, choochoo, truck, donut, mas, (as in mas donut), pan, arroz, manzana, apple, turn, next, swing, push, Cata belongs to our family now. We delight in her girlish differences. She loves to snuggle and when she sits in my lap, she takes my hands and joins them around her belly. She sits in my lap to have her shoes put on in the sweetest way. She hugs her brother and loves to climb into his bed with him. She also loves loves bicycles. She loves to ride on her tricycle that I can push with a pole. But she really loves to sit on a real bike- where her feet dont touch the pedals and she cant balance so that someone has to hold her the whole time. She cries when her turn is over. That's a bit annoying actually.

Joaquin at three

Joaquin at three is his own person. He is my little shining star. My heart's delight.
He turned three and he has amazed me with his new independant skills like putting on his shoes, going to the bathroom unprompted, washing his hands. But aside from being a cooperator in my life he is a delight- funny and loving as kids are. But I thought I would write down some characteristics that he carries now and we could see whether those stay with him over the years.

Joaquin is:
Exuberant
Sincere
An explorer
Focused
Outwardly social to new people
Talkative
Mechanically inclined
Graceful, nimble

Cranky

Next week Cata turns 7 months. For Joaquin she is already firmly part of the landscape of life. Daniel and I still discuss life when we had just one. But slowly I am falling more in love with my little girl.
Daytimes she's an easy babe. Oh she's no wallflower, no Buddha- she likes to play especially in the mix with her brother, she likes to sing, she likes a change of scene. Night times, well she won a month round of sleep training. In October, I believed every child could be sleep trained and now I don't. I have been tired and cranky. So tired that I know longer distinguish between awake and asleep times and have been struck with insomnia during nights when long stretches of sleep could be gained.
My mother and mother in law spent a week with us over Thanksgiving. I am thankful for them. Between the two of them, I slept in past eight many mornings. Dinner was served, and the kitchen cleaned without me. So I am still a little tired but no to cranky.
Cata blossomed under the extra attention of her grammies. She was all smiles, and bouncing. She has mastered the pincer grab essential to her new favorite game- eating cheerios. It is quite entertaining to watch her strike out and capture an O and then struggle to release it into her open mouth. Her satisfaction from skill mastery is obvious.

Cata 5 months and Joaquin 5 months

Her is my girl and my boy both at five months. They do not look that much alike to me yet. Cata is much chunkier than Joaquin was. Every ounce of milk goes straight to her cheeks- and her thighs.

 

We spent the weekend in Calistoga

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The Twerp

The Twerp, that's what Daniel called Joaquin for the last four weeks. For a month after our five week family odyssey to visit family east, Joaquin entered a stage of defiance and tantrums that lasted a long month. He was horribly argumentative and contrary. I was sending him to his room twice before our day's first outing. On those days my saving grace is his daily three hour naps. I have to admit he was the most trying he has ever been.

I miss my sweet, happy thing that bounced on his toes and found any stick or clever word delightful. Probably the best advice I found on how to handle his trying antics was to help him return to the moment. Some of his tantrums and whining are brought on by desires that can not be met right now.

Joaquin has a new understanding of time. For example, he knows that he watches videos on Friday. Hence his constant asking "Is it Friday?" and "I like Friday." He knows Daniel is home on weekends and he still moans many mornings as Daniel leaves the house.

The tantrums are caused by desires in the future. (He's not really one for worrying about the past.) Two year-olds are generally so happy in the moment. A two year really knows how to enjoy himself. So if I can remind, distract him, into the present then the whining and tantrums for a desire that cannot be met immediately goes away.

It's advice that I should take myself. Stay in the present moment when all is good and let go of thinking of the future or the past which causes stress. No doubt Joaquin is teaching me many things.

Cata is four months

Cata is the most delightful four months. Daniel and I wished last night we could freeze time at this stage (as long as she is not waking more than once at night.) She is sweet, cooperative and draws attention like a movie star.
Daniel seems to love the attention of carrying his four month old around. Daniel walks into a restaurant holding Catalina and every woman between age two to a hundred turns her head, awws and checks them out. Yesterday we walked by the local college bar called the Jupiter. I had Joaquin's hand and Daniel had Cata in his arms. Three lovely college girls stopped mid-sentence to admire Cata. From Daniel's silly grin, I'd guess that not a regular occurrence. Cata is a head turner. She is so wonderfully cooperative while I am busy tending to Joaquin's needs for toys found, food, books read. So while Cata is a doll, Joaquin has entered at last the terrible twos and some days they are terrible.

Structure

We started Joaquin in a little preschool. The program is called La Academia. It runs Monday through Friday from 9am- 12pm. I have such mixed feelings about the program. I love that it's bilingual. I am trying to speak Spanish with him but my Spanish is far from as fluid as I would like. I think that one of the biggest gifts I could give Joaquin is to speak Spanish easily and not struggle to master the language like I have for so many years. I like that I give my undivided attention to Cata while he's at school and she is awake. Cata is easier to ignore and when she is a pest she catches my hard edge since Joaquin is my first and demands so much. Joaquin seems to enjoy the activity at the school and does not display separation anxiety when he's there, though after the first week he asks to stay home with me.

Then there's what I do not feel ready for. I do not feel ready to have his days scripted to a schedule. As it is I am taking him four days a week only. It is hard to get him dressed and out of the house. He doesn't want to go because he likes and is happiest when he is living in the present moment. Urging him to hurry up, we will be late causes anxiety and tantrums. I also miss creating the flow of our days and having outings to the library, the park. Not that we still don't stop at the park most days- it's the structure that I resist. Plus I have to drag Cata there and back.

At least I am riding us around on my bicycle. To avoid the car trips and being the shuttleMom that I dread I never become, I have been riding the 1.6 miles each way with Joaquin in his front bikeseat and Cata is in a carseat in a new bike trailer. I feel both like a champion, hard-core athlete and totally over-extended. Cata does not love the carseat and she hates speed bumps. She cries most days for some of the ride. Its a challenge to soothe her with Joaquin seated on the handlebars. At least Im no soccer-mom but I might be insane. My lovely cranky pregnant neighbor said "Can you drive them like everyone else?" from her Prius window on her way to preschool. So I will give it a month and decide whether to continue or not.

Our family summer visit

 

Adventures with four

Daniel and I must be getting more sleep for we set upon an adventurous weekend. Miraculously on Saturday, we put our two kids and a canoe along with Sylvan and Ben in Ben's aging yet awesome minivan. We drove the hour north to Healdsburg where we put our boat in the water and canoed down the lazy Russian river. The day went as smoothly as could be hoped for. I didn't get to swim because I had to hold Cata, but I did a turn at paddling. The only hitch is what we are calling the Great Rock Incident which consisted of Sylvan throwing a river rock at Joaquin's head. Joaquin cried but the incident passed and was forgotten. At one point, both boys fell asleep in the canoe and Daniel and I paddled quietly down the Russian River.

Sunday I planned a day of resting, father's day breakfast, cleanup and dinner at friends' house in San Francisco. A Facebook status posted alerted me that Sharon Jones and the Dapkings where going to play a free concert in San Francisco's lovely Stern Grove. She is a recent favorite of mine and like no other. Our little family had spent the sunny morning together eating homemade breakfast and enjoying a lazy trip to a little park. I hemmed and hawed about whether to brave the Bay Bridge, the hour drive and the parking with Cata. Daniel encouraged me to go. So Cata and I hopped into the car and set out. We arrived just before Sharon Jones was set to go on. The day was sunny and perfect and I remembered how easy it was to have a teeny infant strapped to my chest. Cata loved the music. Her eyes were wide and clear for much of the time. I was worried it was too loud and I had forgotten earplugs but I checked the noise level with my iphone decibel meter and it registered reasonable. Iphones are a most handy mother tool. I sang along to the 'baby I love you' style songs wooing my little Cata.

After the hour show, I drove to the dinner party. The party was in part a send off for one of my closest friends who is moving three hours south to San Luis Obispo. Joaquin got the thrill of taking BART with Daniel to join us. He was slightly shy so very well behaved and gobbled down a helping of eggplant parmesan topped off with blackberry ice cream.
My policy is go for the adventures while the kids are good. So we did.

Father's Day morning visit to the park. Joaquin displays his lawnmower trophy.

Alone with the two littles

Last week Cata smiled at me for the first time. Little Mona Lisa smiles that I knew to look for this time. Cata fussed less last week and we were all happier. Whether it is my careful nursing diet or her passing through the early weeks of fussiness is anyone's guess.

Joaquin seemed to shake off his melancholy after a spectacular tantrum on a Friday afternoon. The Tantrum started while he was playing quietly in the backyard with me nearby. I showed him a melted crayon nub on the ground. After smushing it further, Joaquin requested that I fix it, I make it back into a crayon. This simply was not possible and the tantrum of all tantrums ensued. It was a sad tantrum rather than an angry one. But I could not get him to snap out of it- not with distraction, not with time outs. I even sprayed him with the garden hose to make him laugh- which he did and didn't. He ended up in the yard, naked except for his bubblegum pink Crocs. My sister Clararose who present to witness the tantrum wisely decided to step in and she cleverly convinced Joaquin to give up his howling and sobbing. They played in the yard together while I nursed Cata on the sofa inside. Joaquin then played naked in the yard on his own for another hour. That afternoon seemed a turning point. Since then his exuberant, joyful, curious and cooperative spirit has returned. Perhaps the tantrum was cathartic?

\
He looks like wild sasquatch in these photos I secretly took through the window screen.
My first days alone with two littles started last week. For the three days so far its been quite easier than expected. Joaquin is quite patient with Cata's needs for nursing and diaper changes. Cata has been a cooperative sleeper who takes multiple hour naps in the morning and afternoon which allows me to spend time with Joaquin and also get in a little nap while he naps. Perhaps the cutest thing is how Joaquin lingers near my knee while I nurse Cata. He stays close and I pet his hair. It is really quite delightful having my two little children snuggle happily around me. He often asks for milk too. I happily oblige with his sippy cup and hold him in my lap for as long as he allows me.

The doubts of having a second child have passed for the moment. Already Joaquin seems to have a new sense of independence that brings him contentment. He also seeks out and appreciates affection more and I am enjoying having a little tippytoes, thick eyelashed, blond mophead sprite looking for extra love.

Auntie Clararose Visits

Clararose stayed with us for five days. I hope she's reading when I write what a gem of a sister she was. Minutes after I picked her up from the airport, I was laughing harder than I can remember about endangered wild ramps and frekeh (look it up). We had some hilarious idea for a blog that I wish I remembered.
Clararose cooked for us, did unglamorous jobs like after-lunch dishes and folded laundry. This in addition to being a super fun Auntie Cwara to Joaquin. Joaquin was continually looking for her in our guest room. Cata had a few of her fussy days that Clara helped us through. There was The Tantrum that thankfully she was there to quell.
I have my fingers crossed that someday soon Clararose and I will see each other more frequently. Here are a few pictures of her visit.

The first month with Cata

Catalina Celeste is here. And I am the mother of a newborn again. I am remembering newborns are easy as pie when they sleep all day in a sling across my chest. And more frustrating than any day with a two year old when she fusses and cries even though she is freshly changed, nursed and is being held and rocked.

Joaquin is very sweet to his little sister. He is also displaying amazing maturity and a regression to babyhood at the very same time. Suddenly he goes to the bathroom by himself, eats dinner with us and maintains easy nap and bedtimes. Yet Joaquin is obviously disturbed by Catalina. His jealousy has manifested itself as tantrums resulting for requests that can not be granted (such as the return of a eaten piece of cantaloupe.) It's as if he is looking to find things that I will say no to that he can express his displeasure with the situation. I am finding talking to him, holding him close while still requiring a standard of decent two year old behavior is the best I can do and seems to help him through the days. His sadness makes me sad. My eyes have watered many times during his tantrums when I realize right now he is no longer my formerly always happy, tippytoe running, carefree little boy. I am being dramatic because Joaquin still has many happy moments each day and I am reassured by all that this stage is short and will pass.

Its a good thing that nursing Cata requires she and I to be together all the time, otherwise my allegiance to Joaquin would perhaps dominant the development of that same fierce love for her. Having Cata in my arms for hours each and every day now and for the next 6 months almost guarantees by the time she now longer needs me to carry her everywhere that Cata will be firmly etched into my heart. And my eyes will water with love for her.

Cata is very lovely with alert brown eyes that sought me out from day one. When she is calm, I feel her soul reaching out to mine. Her first month of life passed so quickly but in that time I have seen her looking for my voice in a room and settling down in my arms when she is distraught with others. The first two weeks of her life was a postpartum bliss. Daniel was home and Joaquin was still pleased with the new arrival. As a foursome, we spent a sunny morning at Crown Memorial Beach in Alameda. We played in the creek at the Temescal Farmers Market. We walked together to San Pablo Park and had coffee in the secret garden behind Cafe Trieste. During the three days a week that Joaquin was cared for by Brenda, Daniel, newborn Cata and I went on dates. Cata slept serenely through visits to the SF MOMA with lunch at an outdoor cafe. Daniel and I ate at our favorite French breakfast cafe and she dozed like a perfect angel at my side. We were visited by friends bringing evening meals almost everynight for the first two weeks. It was both wonderful to have all the company and then at the end of the second week, I was also exhausted by the social activity.

Then my mom, Susie, arrived. She stayed for two weeks and we were nervous that the visit would be too long. Yet at the end of the first week, Daniel and I fretted she was leaving so soon. I can remember only one other time being so thankful for my mama. I guess that what's being a mama does to you. During those two weeks, my house was neat, dinner shopped for, our laundry washed and folded and one of the two little ones was always in her arms or at her feet. The only way to repay her is to let her see as much of my little darlings as she wants.

Susie left and now at week 4 going on five, I am tired. The jubilation has worn off and worry and tears have crept through at moments. Tears are a symptom of exhaustion for me. But real too is my heartbreak for Joaquin 2 year old anguish and Cata's struggle to digest milk. Yet after yesterday's afternoon where I let myself sink into blue, both children were wonderfully sweet. It does seem they know when I am about the crash and show me their best so that I will again offer them my best.

I cant imagine that life could be fuller of life. So many babies, toddlers, friends, family are all around with both their wonderful joys and needs.
This second time around I know so much more- yes the details of babycare but also how it's just six months of tiny babyness. With Joaquin each day was a new lifetime and passed with momentousness because I had no idea when the current phase would change. With Cata, I can see the path forward. That brings both relief to not be walking directionless through a forest but also the indifference of passing by landmarks known too well. Therefore I am taking the time again to record these days of wonder.

What's in a name? the remix

My second pregnancy has almost come to an end. Here I am at the top of the ninth. And as of last Wednesday Daniel and I had no names for this coming baby. Really none. So we took a suggestion from my friend Jolie who's life path echos mine. At her mother's suggestion, she went out to dinner with her partner and with no distractions came up with a list of names.
So last Thursday after Joaquin was in bed and my friend and neighbor Erin was at the dining room table, Daniel and I went out for Japanese food. I brought along a lovely book called "What shall we name the baby?" published in 1935. The result is a list of boy and girl names since the gender of this coming pup is unknown.
Here are some of the parameters for names we will choose. It must sound good with Joaquin. It must be pronounceable in French and Spanish. No last name first names. Which are your favorites?

Boys Names
Javier
Sebastian
Matias
Mateo
Francisco
Enzo*
Andres*

Girl Names
Alma
Calista
Catalina
Celeste
Celestina
Mirabelle
Nora
Simone
Raquel
*middle name choices

And here are two recent pregnancy pictures.

Tree Climber

Suddenly Joaquin can climb a tree! Okay it's more of a very sturdy bush called echium. I look over and there is Joaquin two feet off the ground. His face is calm, his demeanor calm and he appears very in control. Two feet off the ground is alot when you're just over three feet tall. I slowly saunter over to be in arms reach. Joaquin seems to understand how to balance his weight between his hands and feet and neatly climbs down, just to climb up again.
I like to think he got Daniel's adventuresome-ness and my balance.

Joaquin's newest friend

Joaquin is getting used to Siobhan. "Baby" says Joaquin when I point to Siobhan. "Yes, she's a tiny baby" I respond.
Siobhan's mama of four weeks, Erin, is one of my closest friends. The first time I held Siobhan, Joaquin suddenly urgently wanted to be in my arms and was none to pleased to see the tiny baby in my other arm.

I made Erin the quilt that Joaquin and Siobhan are modeling in this photo. It's a friendship baby quilt. I gave out squares of fabric to Erin's friends and family. The squares in the center are all designed by her friends. This is the second baby quilt I have made. I actually really enjoy making these quilts because they look so fantastic when done- minor puckering and asymmetries aside.

The Joy of Not Cooking

My mom made us get a microwave. She offered to buy one, even the very particular now discontinued Sharp Half Pint. I didn't let her take me shopping for the microwave. Mostly because I would always rather spend the day with her and Joaquin at the park. But after her last visit, she commented that Brenda looked really excited at the idea of a microwave. Since Brenda is the best nanny I could ever have hoped for and a gift to my life that I thank at least once a week, I decided we needed a microwave.
One rainy day in January, Daniel, the baby and I drove to Target. We picked out the smallest microwave they had.
Oh so quickly I fell in love with this new fangled gadget. I microwaved sweet potatoes- Joaquin's favorite- in minutes. His oatmeal no longer meant a crusted pan in the sink all day. And on and on. Why didn't anyone tell me, I mean really look me in the eye and tell me that a toddler needs a microwave. A need a microwave more than I need a baby monitor, or a even a crib (he sleeps in a portable pack-n-play).
So while I am waxing poetic about my microwave, Joaquin's scrambled egg is cooking in a minute and a half in a little ramekin. Perhaps serving microwaved eggs to your kid is crossing the line. But the clean-up so easy. The funny part is now when Joaquin is hungry, he stands in front of the microwave and does a pointing-wiggling-and-fussing kind of dance. He thinks that's where food comes from. A magic silver box.

Bluegrass Foot Stompin'

I love it when Joaquin dances. Some parents teach their kids the colors, I am teaching him dance moves. He can do a twirl. We ask him to 'dar vuelta' and he turns around.

Little Firefighter

We play at Habitot, a great Berkeley little children's play place. With all the recent rain, we have been there often.

At the park

Ive been short on photos and post lately. Here are a few pictures taken with my new-to-me iphone.